The past two weeks have been tough. I have not done much work, because I was paralyzed by fear. My dad is not well. We have been visiting hospitals to see if there is an operation that can be performed to make him feel better.
You may not know this about me, but I was an award winning student. Since we’ve moved to Canada, everything I wanted I was able to achieve through persistence and hard work. The world made sense during school. It is when I left school that my professional life fell apart.
Life is nothing like school. Nothing. No one ever bothered to tell me this when I was young. The real world makes little to no sense.
My dream is to work as an independent artist, create beautiful things, and make the world a little bit better through my work. I also want to take care of my family in comfort; especially my parents, who had nothing as immigrants and yet somehow still manage to give my sister and I everything we need and a lot of things we want.
I’ve realized after a few years of struggling with jobs, that to “make it” as an artist, I will have to put my name into the world. I cannot hide behind a studio. I will have to become famous. The funny thing is, I do not want to be famous. I would like my work to be famous, but I do not want to be in front of cameras, or to spend my life giving speeches.
Privacy is one sacrifice I made, and I accepted this the moment I created Mili Fay Art.
Now, I’m fighting for my dreams, and though I have achieved successes. I have not “made it” yet. With my dad being ill, I may have to contribute to my family more, which means that I will have to find a stable job and career, which means that Mili Fay Art may not survive after all.
With the horrors piling up around me, my mind has gone into its Thinking Mode, which almost always results in a Panic Mode. This can be put into a sentence: “What a %$#@ am I doing with my life?!”
I have this beautiful vision of what my life should be, but am I just delusional? Have I been fed too much Disney growing up? Is being an eternal optimist actually bad for my life and sanity?
Warriors of Virtue might be my last bid for creative freedom. I believe in this story so much, but I’m not sure if the rest of the world will care. Thus I am terrified, and when I’m terrified, I spend my days “thinking” and not “doing”; Paralyzed by Fear.
The only way to combat fear is with hope and faith. I have to believe that my life will work out in the end, because everything I’ve struggled with, and all the sacrifices I have made would have been pointless otherwise.
So, no. Watching Disney movies is not bad. Life often does not work out the way it does in a Disney movie. However, when it does… It is beautiful and it is a life worth living.
Though I have not done much regarding Warriors of Virtue these past two weeks, I did create a couple of The Lord of the Rings Mini-MEs. Enjoy!
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Wishing you a wonderful week,
Mili Fay, a Toronto-based artist, classical animator, illustrator, and author, is an award winning graduate of Sheridan College and Art Instruction Schools. In November of 2011 she created Mili Fay Art determined to support the world one artwork at a time.
Currently, Mili is working on her first ever illustrated Fantasy novel, Warriors of Virtue, about a reluctant princess who must prevent a war with dragon-people, while keeping her mission a secret from her over-protective mother.
Her latest published work is Animals In My Hair; a story about a boy who goes for his first haircut only to find endangered animals falling out of his hair.
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